Dies ist der FriedensPilger-Blog
This is the peace pilgrimage blog

Guilt

Guilt

There is a feeling of guilt in my system, that I feel not any loss, when my father left his body. It seems, that society wants, that I feel a loss, when a friend or a relative leaves.
But how can I feel loss, when I am so happy, that he could manage to complete his life. I am so happy for him and I am so happy in myself.
Sure, I will miss him here and there, I guess, but I don’t feel a loss.
I guess, happiness and loss can’t play together.
In the moment, happiness governs me.

Letter to Bernhards Grandchildren

Letter for all the grandchildren of my father Bernhard, die 26.10.20. Sorry only in German

An Jana, Florian, Lena, Nele, Nils, Nora, Finja, Jonas, Emily, Faton und Roy.

Ihr Lieben EnkelInnen von Bernhard mit euren Partnern, Familien und ja, eigentlich auch an alle Anderen im ‚Schmöckel Verbund‘

Ich bekomme zu hören ‚Herzliches Beileid‘ oder ‚I am sorry for your loss‘ ‚Der Verlust tut mir leid‘. Und das unter einem Artikel auf Facebook, wo ich erklärt habe, das ich froh bin, glücklich, das Bernhard nun endlich sein Leben abrunden konnte.
In einem Artikel, in dem ich erwähnt habe, dass er so lange krank war, dass es nun wirklich Erlösung war, dass er nun endlich gehen konnte.
All unsere Leben beginnen mit der Geburt und enden mit dem Tod. Alles Leben auf dieser Erde beginnt mit dem Anfang und dem Ende. Nur, das, was wir Gott, Universum, Existenz oder Es nennen, ist immerwährend. Von daher kommen wir und dahin gehen wir auch wieder. Leider oder glücklicherweise können wir mit unserem menschlichen Geist dieses Es, Existenz, Universum oder Gott nicht begreifen.
Auf der menschlichen Ebene erleben wir den Tod eines geliebten Menschen als Verlust. Dies ist sehr verständlich, wenn es unerwartet kommt oder wir mit diesem Menschen verhaftet, verbunden sind. Doch bei Eurem Grossvater oder meinem Vater konnten wir uns lange vorbereiten. Und sein Hinübergehen als etwas Gutes begreifen. Es gab keine Alternative.
So können wir natürlich die Erinnerungen in unseren Herzen und im Geist bewahren.
Thich Nhat Hanh, ein buddhistischer Mönch, jetzt 94 Jahre alt, bei dem ich viele Male in Frankreich, Deutschland und einmal auch in Vietnam war, hat so wunderbar mehrfach erklärt, dass ein verstorbener Freund oder Verwandter in den Angehörigen weiterlebt. Jetzt und hier. Das ist auf der körperlichen Vererbungslinie einfach zu verstehen. Same und Eizelle der, in diesem Fall, der Grosseltern kommen zusammen, daraus entsteht ein neuer Körper. Für euch in 2. Generation wird auch ein Teil eurer Grosseltern in euch weiter vererbt, also lebt logischerweise auch Bernhard in euch weiter. Und zudem alle Taten von Bernhard, hier möchte ich die guten besonders erwähnen, weil sie uns nähren, in uns weiterleben. Die Taten und Handlungen von Bernhard, die uns bereichert haben, leben in uns weiter. Die spirituellen oder lebensbereichernden Unterweisungen oder vorgelebten beispielhaften und uns prägenden Handlungen, die wir übernommen haben, leben so in uns weiter. Im Hier und Jetzt, heute, morgen und übermorgen…
Auch wenn Bernhard nun seinen Körper zurückgelassen hat, den wir nun in einigen Tagen in einem Grab ablegen, so bleibt doch vieles von seinem Leben und vorgelebten Taten und gesprochenen Worten in uns lebendig – indem wir davon etwas weitergetragen.
Indem das Unvermeidliche geschehen ist, Bernhard ist gestorben, hat er am Ende seines erfüllten Lebens seinen Körper abgelegt, verlassen. Können wir da wirklich von Verlust reden? Sollten wir uns nicht besser darüber freuen, vielleicht sogar glücklich sein darüber, was noch immer da ist?
Es heißt ja auch Beerdigungs- oder Trauerfeier. Können wir vielleicht ein bisschen mehr feiern, zelebrieren, und freuen, das Bernhard so ein angefülltes und gutes Leben hatte und es nun glücklicherweise abgerundet hat?
Kann ein ‚Verlust‘ gar ein neue Chance auf eine andere Betrachtungsweise bekommen.
Ich bin weiterhin froh und glücklich, das es jetzt so ist, wie es ist. Ich wünsche euch am nächsten Montag gute Begegnungen und Erinnerungen, auch mit dem Wissen, dass nun nur der zurückgelassenen Körper an Mutter Erde zurückgegeben wird.
Ich bin im Geiste und mit meinem Herzen dabei.

Halleluja und Amen
Thomas
❤❤❤🧎‍♂️🧎‍♀️❤❤❤

Dad died 26.10.2020 8.20am

Dad died at 8.20am 26.10.2020

I have a day of rest. At midday Indian time, my father has finally managed to leave his body, passing the gate of transmission.
Ulrich, my brother, informs me by phone. I say ‚I am not going to play a game of being shocked and sad, because we have to behave like that, when someone passes away. I am just happy, and really, it was more then time, that he had to do the step….‘

And I am so happy, that he could manage, to pass…
It is a release for everyone….. it is, to make his life complete, he has to do that step…. then we all can see from another perspective, the whole life, the art work of all his life, has now a beginning and an end…. and the end has to be celebrated to, and I want to celebrate with happiness, because I feel happiness…. and because, it is happiness… its just a transition …. and its a successfully transition which took place.
I salute to him and his completion of his life, which was all together a good life….

And when we look deep, sadness is not there because its a sad act, its because, we ourself, have a problem with letting go…. we are sad, because we have to say goodbye, stay behind…
We are looking back at the past, holding on to it, with its beautiful moment, which cant be replicated (with him).
But we should look back with gratefulness, what we all experienced together, some good, some not so good things.

In gratefulness
In love
In gratitude

Thank you
Thank you
Thank you

I am so happy for you, dad!!!
With love
And there is peace now
Thomas

———-
This I wrote to my family (sorry, only in German)

Ihr Lieben Alle in der Schmöckel Gruppe,

heute morgen hat sich Bernhard ge-löst. Gelöst von seinem Körper nach langer Arbeit in seinem Inneren. 5 Jahre Schmerz, Leiden und nach Aussen hin Vergessen. 5 Jahre gebunden sein im seinem Körper, so dass er sich nun, nach der Lösung, erst mal wieder an mehr Weite gewöhnen muss. Auf der ‚anderen Seite‘ auf das Himmlische trifft.

Liebe Familie,
Wie ihr wisst, bin ich zZt weiter in Indien unterwegs, kann euch somit nicht vor Ort unterstützen, aber ihr könnt euch gewiss sein, dass ich in dieser Zeit auch bei euch bin und euch, mit was auch immer, durch diese Zeit mittrage.

Etliches ist nun zu organisieren, auf die Reihe zu bringen, vorzubereiten, nachzubereiten….. ich denke an euch.

Bernhard hatte ein bewegtes, nach dem 2. Weltkrieg, zwischenzeitlich dramatisches Leben. Zusammen mit Inge folgte dann ein überwiegend erfülltes Leben. Er hat es genossen, Familie um sich zu haben und für sie zu sorgen. Erst die Kinder, dann später die Partner und darauffolgend Enkel und Urenkel, das hat ihm große Freude gemacht mit allen zu sein und die Familie wachsen zu sehen. Es gibt viele schöne Erinnerungen.

Jetzt seid ihr alle dran, Abschied zu nehmen. Jede, jeder hat dabei eigene Empfindungen, Erinnerungen und Abschiedsgedanken. Ich wünsche euch, dass ihr euch gegenseitig zuhört, mitteilt und in die Arme nehmt. Das Vergangene rückblickend anschauend, diese speziellen Momente der Gegenwart teilt und frohen Herzens auch in die Zukunft blicken könnt.

Persönlich empfinde ich Freude und Leichtigkeit und Erleichterung in meinem Herzen. Ich freue mich, dass mein Vater es geschafft hat, durch das Tor zu gehen. Und ich sehe auf sein Leben, und kann von Geburt bis zum Tod sein Leben ehren. Für einige Abschnitte hab ich keine Bilder, aber für viele. Jetzt ist das Leben komplett, von Beginn bis zum Ende. Ein fast 85jähriges Kunstwerk.

Vielleicht habt ihr Lust, hier auf WhatsApp, schöne Erinnerungen und Gedanken, Fotos zu teilen, vielleicht in dieser Gruppe oder per Direktnachrichten, untereinander oder mit mir…

Jeder Lebensabschnitt ist gesegnet.
Amen
🤎🤎🤎🧎🏽🤎🤎🤎

Inter State border

Inter State border …..

At the state border from Assam to Manipur, because of Corona, so many regulations. They need a new Covid19 test. So I am sent by so many officials back to Assam and I end up in a very small village hospital, which is actually more or less a maternity ward. One woman is clearly in labour (At the door ‚labor‘) and delivers just then a baby. 2 other ladies are in ‚the process’….
Its Sunday and no Covid19 test centre open here. They want to sent me away ‚come back on Monday 11am‘, but on Assam side, there is no hotel, only having an invitation at the Manipur side. There I cant go, because no test….
I decide just to sit there a bit longer until a solution arises. A responsible nurse makes some phonecalls, organises a Covid19 test, result negative.
Back to the ‚border‘, papers papers papers…. I have not seen a foreigner in month…. so the foreigner office has something to do.
My host had his phone off, later I learn, his battery died while having a puja at the Durga festivals, then it was already dark and I booked a hotel….
Two times more the foreign police officer had more questions, coming to my room….
All together Indian police is always friendly to foreigners….
They had also concerns, that I should not go through Manipur, because Myanmar border is sealed right now (because of Corona)
But walking step by step means also to me, walking to the border of Myanmar is right now right, to see what situation is there in one month…. and not to be worried….
……

As far as I know, this is the only border I could cross by walking coming from India….

The Superintendent of the police has to be informed…..

Missionar

Missionar

People on the road are present and overwhelmingly talkative towards me. Interested and questioning my appearance. It feels a bit, leaving the country soon, and a collective awareness is greeting. These all happens more and more, since I had this Corona shift/switch inside, a few weeks ago. And it seems to intensify. True is, I leave the state of Assam soon, but will enter Manipur, last state in India…

In Lakhipur a car stops. A journalist and a ‚peace walk helper‘ inside. Short story upload for the journalist. Then the helper organises a place to stay for the last night in Assam. Its a Christian youth center, right before a huge forest area appears. I have to walk another 4km. Chawnga recieves me on the way and we walk the last km together. But the key for my room is not to find. The pastor gets informed and they break the door open. With a spoken prayer by touching my shoulder I am sent on the way next morning.

People coming and coming, where are you from?, where do you go?, why do you do that?, can I help?, are you ok?, do you like some water?, cookies?, you are hungry?…..

‚I am a missionare‘, one man is coming…. The area from here on is again Christian dominated. Missionaries alway think, they have the ‚only‘ truth, everyone has to be convinced by Jesus Christ, only salvation, and surely people have to be converted. He acts like ‚I am the boss here, I now the truth’…. Without letting me explain, who I am, what I do, he seats me down in a shacky restaurant, served with 2 puri’s, somehow he has my phone, gets to youtube, subcribes me to his channel ‚….to heaven‘ and likes his video. Everything without asking me, if I wish so. I am just another one to convert… or whatever victim…. who needs salvation…. I heard about this Christian missionares way of agressive convertion before… And then he asks me suggestive questions to get intangled in the way, he would like the conversation to be, without having a fair and open basic talk….
I confront him, with his behaviour, still in his friendly personality, but in fact on a deeper level, very agressive, overwhelming action, ‚I know everything better, you know nothing, I have the truth, you need to know the truth-behaviour’…..
He has to stop talking like this to me, knowing even not the basics of my spiritual path….
A lot of relegions are so sad, when you are not the member of that religion. This is happening especially by Christians, when you dont answer in the first sentence, that you are also a Christian (implements, that you have not found the truth and Jesus Christ, who is the ONLY one, because he is the son of God, who can bring you peace)
Same happens with Moslems, when they find out, that you are not a Muslim, because ONLY by the teaching of the Quran you can bring you peace and love.
‚So you must be lost and need to be safed….‘
And then, when you tell them, that you are on paper a Christian, Moslem and Buddhist, and to the same time you are not a member of any religious organisation, then the confusion is perfect – and you can’t have found the truth…..
Anyway, he apologized…..
If you have found truth, love, peace, happiness, then there is no need to convert people. Because a human, who carries this wisdom inside, attracts automatically people, who search….

Barefoot in the rain

Barefoot in the rain

Again its beautiful to walk partly in the rain barefoot. Its always a healing, when my feet touch Mother Earth.
Even though I am taught from inside, to walk all the time barefoot, in daily practice I am not always, because of different circumstances, able to do so.
But when I have the chance, its soooo good. Especially the rain, makes everything so soft. Sharp little stones on the road feel more round and soft.
And every step on the ground, on Mother Earth, is a blessing for me and the peace walk, I am doing, on behalf.

Thank you
Thank you
Thank you

At the evening I arrive in Hmarkhawlien. In this village, there is a huge Islamic center with a capacity for 1000 people. I am honoured to get hosted there. Through Corona, in this centre are only 20-30 people here, I discover through the evening prayer.
What I enjoy most, is the space, the inner space, which is invisibly present here.
And great hospitality.

My father before transition

My father before transition

Just when I wanted to leave, early morning, I recieve a message from my brother Ulrich, that my father is on the way to die. My other brother Olaf, lives 400km away, and my sister Conny, who lives normally closed by, and did holiday in Denmark, travelled together, to sit by his bed for the last days and hours.

So I decide to stay another day in my room. My father Bernhard is in such a long process of illness – dementia – now, its really time to go.
I meditate for some hours and to be with him and my family, and I really feel, he has to go now and somehow kick him energetically ‚Its really time to go now, please make the step‘
And I am happy, that the process of leaving, the process, of going through that gate to an other dimention, the process of leaving the body for transition is invited, that the time has come….

5 years, since the dementia started, from little forgetfulness towards total being in himself, loosing the ability to speak, and eat for himself, until just sitting in a wheelchair or lying in the bed.

I am really happy, that this time of transition has arrived.

Thank you
Thank you
Thank you

I write to my Conny and Ulrich this massage (sorry, only on German):
Heute morgen, wie schon öfter, hab ich mich mit Papas aktuellem Weg beschäftigt.
Erst mal kam ein Schuldgefühl, nicht gegenüber Papa, dass ich nicht da war/bin, sondern gegenüber euch, Conny und Ulrich. Ihr habt schon soviel tolles und aufopferndes geleistet, und ich bin nicht da, jetzt, um euch zu unterstützen. An dieser Stelle mal ein Allerherzlichstes Dankeschön an dich, Conny und Ulrich im Zentrum, und drumherum Eure Familien und Olaf….

Schließlich verging das Gefühl.
Und es blieb zwar Prozess über, (Prozess des jetzigen Weges) aber alles war überstrahlt von Freude und tiefer Dankbarkeit.
Tiefe Dankbarkeit, was ich alles Papa zu verdanken habe, was er alles für mich und unsere Familie gemacht hat.
Und Freude, Freude, das der Übergang eingeläutet ist. Und für den Übergang kann ich ihn auch von hier unterstützen.

In Liebe für Euch vor Ort
Thomas

Silchar

Silchar

Please people from Silchar. Take care of your city. Stand for your rights, to have a clean city – always. Fight for your rights, to have a good clean-up system, as you partly have. But all the trash needs to be taken care everywhere and all the time, so that you can enjoy your town.

Please people from Silchar. Take care of nature in your town. One day I walked around the inner centre and I found two lakes in the very centre. But approaching them I was so disappointed. Please people of Silchar, stand for your rights, to have relaxing areas in your town centre. The water bodies are grown over. Also walls around the lakes. Its so precious to have nature in town. This two lakes can be a resource of freshness.

Please people from Silchar. Stand for your rights, to have a not overcrowded centre. How beautiful it could be, to have the inner center streets just for people to walk and shop (maybe even with some art here and there) Ban the motor traffic out of the center. It does not belong there. Its not enough space there for everyone.

People of Silchar. Create a place, where you can breathe. Plant trees and fight for a place with dignity.

People of Silchar, stand up for the rights of everyone. I hear, there is a lot of corruption. Fight for a system , where corruption gets eliminated. Make the people responsible, who take advantage of there positions and who take money out, which does not belong to them.

People of Silchar, in the south of Assam, why not being an example for your area, state and the country.
You have the power to do so.

Entering plain south Assam

Entering plain south Assam

The Sikh priest is called Granthi and been a truck driver for 34 years. Now he takes care at this temple where nearly only truck drivers are his ‚clients‘. This temple offers beside the religous servises, a washing opportunity and a toilet to the mostly Sikh truck drivers. What a nice idea. Opposite side of the road is a Sikh Punjabi restaurant. Best culture service.
At the early afternoon the Granthi switches on the water pump, which runs by a loud generator. He waters all the plants, washes the entrance area and fills up the water bottles in front of the temple and inside the house. Because I just sat down for a meditation I just continue with my practice of observing…. one hour meditation, one our generator….
The generater is followed by one hour loudspeaker devotional songs and another hour of reciting the holy book. After the television is turned on.
Just before I go to bed, done from the penetration of sound since 5h, its the second night at the Gurudwara, while coming back from the toilet, there are two leeches at the foot of my right leg. One is already attached, the other one busy to find the right spot. I know, its good to let them behave to take a portion of blood, then they fall off. It’s even benefitial to the host, but I am so exhausted, just want to sleep, not in the mood to wait for another half hour or so. I just want to lay down. I show the Granthi the situation. He runs into the kitchen. Before I really can react, salt is on the leeches, they cramp and fall down and immediately die. I thought, they would just fall down, could maybe crowl away…. I feel so sorry for them. But its to late…..

Coming from very Christian mountain Meghalaya, having two nights at the Sikh Gurudwara, now I enter a very Moslem area in plain south Assam. Seems, that the Gurudwara was something like a bridge between this two cultures. The Moslems folk roots belong to the Bangladeshi, also language wise.
I realize, that I still have a little prejudice against Moslems. I have been guest at so many Moslem families, I even practised while being in Moslem countries, the prayer movements in silence, enjoyed so much hospitality. But still there is this little rest of uncomfortableness with ‚Moslem collective behaviour that Moslem believe, they will be the winner and somehow will overtake (other religions)’…..
I really do not like this feeling in my system and start doing some forgiving exercise, forgiving myself for cultivating this feelings and where it comes from (what I don’t know). First I think of a Christian forgiveness exercise, which I love very much (from Christine Ponder), but I end up with the Ho’oponopono by Hawaiian Kahuna culture and a melody accoures inside of me from a Jordan band, guided by Atef and Rawan from Amman. It says and its supereffective and deep

‚I am so sorry
I love you
Please forgive me
And Thank you‘

I am aware of my sensational area in my chest/upper belly, where I feel this uncomfort reguarding this topic. I walk for a while with this…. (sometimes I thing also of the leeches last night)
After some hours I meet Dr Ohi Uddin Ahmed, so he puts himself in my adress list. He just finished his Dr in philosophy by writing about the cast system in his local Moslem society. He lives some km further in my direction…. the sun is strong and hot today, so it’s perfect to stop walking at midday. I accept happily his invitation.
His family is overwhelmingly friendly. It feels they have at least 30 members, he himself grew up with 5 brothers and 5 sisters. Also here an interview for the local online news channel.
Moslem culture is very hospitable, but in India I had until now little contact.
If there is a guest in the house/houses the women stay in the kitchen to prepare food… as the guest, in this case, sits in separate room/house. The responsibility of the men is, to talk with the guest and comfort him with all of his wishes…. Sometimes Ahmed is taking care of me, if he has to leave the room, a younger brother takes over… here Didarul, a musician, still waiting for more success. In the moment Ahmed comes back, the younger one makes space… So, also today, as I am the guest, they keep me busy all the time, uninterrupted being asked questions. The family tried often, to invite a foreigner from the street, but until no one had accepted.
For my body refreshing I get guided to a fish pond, where the whole family takes care of the fishes, they like to eat. This pond is also the washing pond for body and clothes. Didarul and some other male relatives are standing at the side to look, how I wash myself, carrying a underwear. After the washing procedure one of the teens boys says ‚you have very nice legs‘.
Little rest time followed by a short walk through the neighbourhood’s and little while after to Ahmeds sisters house, where other young men, young teacher, were delighted to see me. One of them wrote one Facebook (with a pic of me ‚today we have a guest out of our dreams‘)

While walking next day again on the street, greetings and friendly interest from all sides. Overwhelmed I cant respond to all greetings, request, to come to there shops, sit with them, talk to them. I hope I did not harm anyone by refusing here and there a invitation.

Because of this ongoing flow of invitations and free stays in the peace walk manner, since about nearly 2 weeks, (after the Corona aria) I dont want to interrupt this wave and contact Narendra from Rampur/Himachal Pradesh, who offered earlier, to book me a hotel, when needed…. Its so comfortable to arrive in a place, here Silchar, when someone, even online, arranged a place to stay.
Thanks Narandra.

Slowly or not so slowly I promised myself, to find out here, how the Myanmar Visa issue is to solve, who could help me in this Corona times to get a half year Visa, what is wise to do or not. And again, even after this lots of journeys, I still have a uncomfortness in myself, when I have to get permission, have to ask someone (embassy) who could decide about my fate, even though I have clear instructions from inside.
I want to walk over the border. In this case it is possible, that I have to get to Myanmar embassy in New Delhi, to get a stamp there, have to travel back, and cross the border.
With an online application its proparbly so, that I cant enter by walking, so I maid need to get by plane to Yangoon or Mandalay airport, getting a transportation to the east side of the border, to continue walking inside Myanmar.
So, how can I get a Visa without travelling somewhere and be able to walk from Indian side over the border into Myanmar?…. I dont want to make a mistake….. Want to get a long Visa…. want to walk over the border….

I can only say in trust again

Thank you
Thank you
Thank you

Love
Thomas

Corona switch

I said some day before ‚Something switched in my heart and I am free now (from the Corona craziness)‘

Slowly I understand what this proparbly means. It seems that accommodation issues get normal again. There is coming some normalness into me evening approaches for a place to rest.
Since almost 10 days i had no hotel or similar to pay. Once I slept, organized by ordinary people in a public place.

And then yesterday something really nice happens. Exactly at sunset I arrived at Gurudwara, a Sikh temple, and I was excepted again, as before Corona. In a very welcoming and relaxed way. I feel so good here and got offered even a rest day.

Thank you