3 days end of Ramadan – Eid fitr – has passed

Now I really don’t know what to do here, offer here…… how to get in connection with people, ……

It does not mean, that there are no connections at all, but it always feels, ….. after a while, there is a wall rising up…… a wall not by the’willing‘ of the people, but a wall created by the situation in the country Afghanistan.  And it seems that people gave up on breaking the walls down or at least tollerating, that there is a wall, or that even the walls get bigger. Lots of social life is effected by this ‚walls‘ …… the ‚walls‘ are created by fear, caretaking, governmental rules, neighbours expectations,  unknowing neighbours reactions and behaviours, helplessness, …….. and there are especially big if a foreigner like me is involved. So the natural behavior in terms of hospitality, friendship creating, courioussity, openess and inviting mentalities, …… is hardly disturbed. …..

When I came back from a over night visit at a nice family yesterday morning I was again irritated and a bit helpless, kind of shocked, …..

So I felt kind of helpless reguarding the idea to making more connections, what is anyway not so easy, …… and helpless to be successful to find a place to stay for free, where I am invited as a guest, what is a part of the peacewalk I am doing…..

And also in a kind of mood ‚to give up‘ the idea of being successful to do any kind of peace work here…….  And also I understand the feeling of ‚giving up‘ as a possibility that some unexpected doors can open up……

So what is it, what I have to do here? Maybe just taking care of myself ….. for the beginning…. or at all??….. Maybe getting myself sorted and having a retreat for myself……

Anyway…… this morning I had my first breakfast in the hotel restaurant. There was Ramadan before, and I also did the fast, anyway only eating only fruits at night…. Today: Fried eggs, jam, what I don’t eat (I dont eat sugar at all), bread, and chai, black tea, what I also avoid, it’s pushing me to much….. Anyway, the egg and the bread was good. But I have this feeling that I would love to eat vegan…. ….

My room needs really a clean up, so I asked for a vacuum cleaner. No one, even though this place is rented and a hotel, ever offered any service until now….. But some one came now with the mashine. Everywhere also so dusty, so I started to clean the windowsill and anything standing around. Kabul is surrounded by barran mountains, and no rain in the moment, so the wind produces a lot of dust. But anyway this feels not cleaned for a longer while. All the things I need I have to express thing by thing, and it feels, that even the vacuum cleaning is nearly to much for asking. I have to move the sofa to the side….. And so on. The service men had to be asked to also change my sheets, and cleaning the bathroom please. There is no window in the bathroom, no one cares. So he sets everything under water….  that’s the cleaning…. hihihi… but because I have anyway not really something to do ….. So I start to clean the bathroom in a nicer way….. All the tiles need to be cleaned, the doors and so on…. but the tiles take a lot of effort. So even after 2 hours I am not ready, I need a second shift for it. … tomorrow…. ?? And I have to ask for new towels, toilettpaper and soap. …… Anyway, on some stations on my trip I always do this kind of work…. it feels also a bit like sorting and organising things at the place where I am…. to continue later in bigger circles……

The day before yesterday, second day of the after Ramadan celebrations, my phone credit had to be recharged. So I surged around to find a open shop. In the shop I met (again) another Ali. I will call him here Kabul Ali II. We started talking and as he understood, that it is so difficult to find a free place to stay, he invited me for that night to his family house. Ali, 32, is managing a restaurant called ‚Yummy‘ and so I was also invited to have something there. My choise was a small pizza in children size. It seemed that all the rest had meat. The restaurant was packed so I came in contact with some other guys. Families or women with or without kids dined one floor up. So only men in the area. Ali has to work from 9am to 10pm. So I got picked up from another family member, his brother Ruhen. At Ali’s home, lots of visitors, all relatives with there kids where present, and some could speak english. Later Ali arrived, when we already started eating at 22h. Before the meal was served Ruben came around with a oriental carafe full of water to wash the hand. A silver basin was taking the left over water and everyone got handed a towel. The meal was served on the floor and everything was presented in a beautiful way. Ruben wanted to open the curtains to the neighbours side but Ali mentioned, that the neighbours don’t like it so much, when they can look into the house.

They had served me mineral water in a sealed bottle, but there was also ,normal drinking water‘ from the tap in a carafe for all the others. I asked about the quality of the water. Because to me it seems really good. It’s from district to district different, I got informed. In some districts in the city they put even some chlorine in it. (Until now I have not smelled any chlorine somewhere) Even when Ali travels somewhere, and he comes back, he maid have some problems with some bacteria in it. To avoid diarrhea he eats onion before drinking the tap water. Than no problem.

Because it’s so late already I just eat watermelon and some rice.

Ruben is studying in the province of Baghlan, around 100km north of Kabul. Wonderful mountain over there. I am a bit jealous, because I would love to go. The province is occupied by the Taliban, I hear. A while ago, there was one student killed by the Taliban inside the university. The uncle Same is working in the province of Badaghshan 200km northwest of Kabul. Thats the province at the Hindukush with the 300 km land finger pointing to the east with so beautiful mountains. A no go for me. Brrr. So sad.

Kabul Ali II is explaning that he would love to have me longer in his home, but there is only one night possible. It could be that the neighbours and the neighbours neighbour’s start talking after they get to know me. This could maybe attrack some mafia to kidnap me. So his policy is, not to have foreigners as guests for more than one night. So if something would happen they would feel responsible ( and I also understand, not from only this meeting, that the government makes the hosts responsible, if something would happen…..)

Just before dinner, I told Same to call my hotel, so that they don’t get worried, me not coming ‚home‘. From other experiences I know, governmental offices always like to have my friends phone no, so I give Same my Telefon. And after that I hear also from Same that he feels the same than me, that this is overcaretaking. The government,  as soon as they have a no of my friends, they call this friend’s every some hours, so these friends get really annoid by the behavior.  So instead of working together with the police as helpers or friends, they become even for me a ‚enemy‘. I don’t want to let them trouble my friends.

When everyone left the house and the family was by hisself, Ali’s wife Sideqa came to the guest room. Without any hijab and open hair, so I had the chance to see her and say ‚thank you‘ for the meal.

The night I did not sleep very well. First the little children’s portions pizza layed heavyly in my stomach. And then, later on, I had a lot of dreams moving from one household to the next, day by day, night by night, always only for one night. So the neighbours and the police don’t make trouble…… And it was so exhausting. …..

Ali and his family also want to get away from Afghanistan. …. for the children – 5 month and 2 years. They think of different options. He also asked how it could be possible to get to Germany. ……

Struggeled from the night dreams and conversations, the police and neighbor issues, I walked at the next morning ‚home‘. On the way I have to shop some food. I come, close to my hotel, to a rolling stand selling water melons. Some teens are the sellers. I choose a water melon and it got weighed. One of the younger boys says how much but I can’t understand. So I give towards him 50 Afghani Rupies and want to know how much more. I show my bank notes. So another one comes and shows and takes 100 Afghani Rupies.  From my experience I know it can be max 100, so I explane with hand and feet and my translation mashine, what happend. The younger boy explained all the time that he has not any money from me. I feel cheated. So I got a bit louder. But it did not help. They even did not want to give me the melon I paid. I suggest that we should call the police. But it all did not help. So I went finally and angry with my fruit. (68 AFG = 1 $)  While becoming distance to the stand I maid found an answer. When the young boy weighted the melon on the ground there was another men at the side and he maid have taken the 50 AFG? And he was maybe not from the stand?…. There are so many beggars, maybe he was too??….

Anyway. Situation and atmosphere are tense. Otherwise it would have been easier, to solve a problem like this.

Beside all the tension in the country based on the violence through Taliban and Daish and the 30 or more years war trouble also between different parts of folk groups, on top of that, there are so so many poor people.

This all influences so much the freedom of movement and freedom of just being a human. Every corner, whereever you look, even though there is no fighting I have seen jet,  there are so many proplems to solve. To feel freedom, peace, dignity, love……..

Anyway, peace always starts within….. a good training platform  ?

Love

Thomas